FIRST WARNING: LONG TEXT INCOMING. BIG WALL. WARNED YOU. THIS TEXT MAY SOUND MELODRAMATIC TO SOME PEOPLE, BE CAREFUL.
SECOND WARNING: I DO NOT MEAN ONLINE-MADE FRIENDS. ONLY THE ONES IN REAL LIFE, OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER.
THIRD WARNING: ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE, SO THE TEXT MAY SOUNDS CONFUSING TO SOME PEOPLE.
Ok enough warnings.
Ok guys. You may have realized my innactiveness. I'm sorry, I was working on two guides. One have been scrapped for a while, and the other I'm collecting information. There is an viable opinion about this.
It's about my life. This blog is literally about the person behind Dark Jaw and the state of his life right now. It's not a full biography of course, just a small resume.
Since the beginning of what I consider my ''identity'', I've been plagued with bad events, depression, loneliness and more. Let's start when I was 5, the beginning. Before I was 5, no big events happened; but the one that happens now is the decisive one, the one that changed everything.
I used to be popular. Glorious. A lot of friends, the ones people can trust and count on bad situations. You may be thinking: ''5 years old? You shouldn't even know what this is all about!'', the friends I had in this age were more reliable then the ones I've met later on.
But then my father thought about my future. That primary school wasn't the best in the neighborhood, he wanted the best of the education for me, as I was about to enter the Elementary. He ''enrolled'' me to that better school, all the friends I had were forgotten, never seen they again. And when I mean never, I mean until nowadays. No friends I had from 5 I've seen for now.
So a new chapter on my life began. New school, new stuff, new teachers, new... friends? No. The people I met in there were racist, since I joined it. They ignored me, laughed at me, and I couldn't defend myself: I had no friends to support. As I had a different taste for things( Example: When I was a kid I used to like Dinosaurs, Dragons, Pokemon, etc. The other boys in there used to like cars and machines. I didn't know ANYTHING about cars, only that they had wheels. Of course, there were special events when Pokemon used to rise, a lot of people use to talk about it at certain parts of the year, but it was rare. Very rare).
At the same age, my father gave me my first Video-Game: The PlaystationOne. It was a pretty old fashioned video-game already. It may sound funny, but I actually had a ****ton of good times with it. If it wasn't my father, I probably wouldn't be in here: I used to see my cousins playing games such as Super Mario World, but I never really cared. I used only to watch them playing, never wanted to join the gaming because I was always afraid to be defeated. And you know how some kids are: They hate losing, and some can't accept the facts. I was like that.
ANYWAY, Back to the school-chapter. I stayed 8 long years in that school. I made some ''friends'', as I can call them. Until the event that marked the end of my days in the Educational Hell. During an Physical Education class( which I was bad on... that contributed a lot to make me unpopular and impossible to make friends), I decided to give a quest to my only true friend: Ask to my other ''friends'' what they thought about me. The results were surprising.
I thought everything from the beginning, the differences, were forgotten. I was wrong, how wrong I was. According to him, most of the ''friends'' used to think I was ''strange'', ''different'', ''not cool''. This was a slap on my face. For 8 long years I thought I had friends, people to trust. What about the secrets I used to say to some? Were the kept, or told? It was enough for me. I couldn't stay on such a place that people didn't like me at all, people that thought I was ''strange''... I decided to move on and change of school once again. With the mistakes of my last school, I thought I could at least have a chance on a new place.
Last year I moved of school and joined my actual one. Of course, as the first year of a newbie on a school, people would laugh at you and such. I was used to it already. So I just ignored and waited for this year. During last year, I've met SMITE around October, which changed a lot of my habits, like stay more time online on the PC.
I can't say I have ''friends'' in there, I don't trust them. It's hard to change the mentality of someone that suffered about 10 long years of loneliness. I feel depressive, the fact that I don't have a social life anymore haunts me... I had to drink medicine to end this, and seems that it didn't cause any effect. So as I have no social life, I have a lot of free time to play games and improve my gameplay, and maybe even get respect of other players; consequently I had plenty of time to make ''detailed'' guides for players with doubts on certain gods. I also tried to be an artist, and today I'm working on a small-indie platform/adventure/kinda-RPG game based on Egyptian Mythology, with of course, help from friends I've made ON THE COMPUTER. Those friends I can trust.
Uff, I feel so much better now after putting all that wall in here... No, I'm not looking for replies such as ''Oh, poor you'', and things like that. I only wanted to share with people. Perhaps someone had the same problem and solved it? Then that person could help me out, who knows.
On another hand, I don't think I have a social life either. It doesn't seem like it hearing me online, but I find it extremely hard to find someone I can call a friend, in real life. I've felt some of that pain of being discriminated (An autistic in a public school - if they cant handle it , don't even try to pull it off. Parenting tip of the day), but not that much. I'll see if I can try to help.
One tip before I end: Try to find a piece of music that alleviates the depression. You'll be surprised how useful it is to listen to.
But, to my knowledge, finding a real friend is hard. There are gonna be backstabbing and a lot of problems. But see the bright side. I don't know which, but maybe see that your family love you (maybe?).
The easiest way to make friends, in my opinion, is realizing that while you can only perceive the world through your own eyes, you're one of many like-minded people; there are no nefarious goals, just people trying to enjoy life by interacting with others.