Little Red Riding Hood (drabble)

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The little girl screamed and ran out the door. The wolf stumbled out, blood dribbling out of a fresh gunshot wound in its chest. It shifted toward her, ungainly, drooling and gasping, the Hunter’s blood dripping from its teeth.

The little girl had ran out of screams a while ago. Something inside her snapped, and she picked up the old axe lying in the nearby stump and walked up and buried it into the Wolf’s head.

She pulled it out, blood and brains splattered on the blade and handle.

The wolf twitched.

She screamed and drove the axe into the wolf’s skull, its body, its limbs, its chest. She chopped and hacked and slashed over and over until the wolf was dead and gone and…

Her Grandmother stared at her with empty eyes. A hand still reached out from the Wolf’s belly, fingers grasping at nothing. Then her ruined face gave away, and she slumped into...parts.

Less than an arm’s length away, Carol lost her mind.

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Wow... I can't describe how ****ed up this is.. Awesome,ofc !

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Is this a Creepy Pasta, because this is reading to me like a bad Creepy Pasta. There wasn't a beginning or a middle of the story and just cuts straight to the end without any reason of why this is happening. Yes everyone knows the story of Red Riding Hood, but still, there needs to be a reason why she wasn't eaten by the wolf and why she decides to kill the wolf. How did Red Riding Hood escape and why did she turn Jeff the Killer with an axe near the end without any indication of she could snap like this? Like all other bad CreepyPasta's, high amounts of gore for the sake of gore and nothing else and some unnecessary details. Also, who is Carol and what significance does she have to the story. Is Carol Little Red, The Wolf, Grandma, or The Hunter? We don't know because there was no reference to that being any of their names. I'm giving this a 1 as this is just a fraction of a story with blood and gore galore.

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I think it was called drabble for a reason

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^ lol

Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

Quoted:

*eyeroll*

Drabble.
She wasn't eaten because the Hunter came in, just like in the classic tale, and she ran away during the fight.
She decided to kill the wolf because holy **** I can't believe I'm explaining this. If you were being chased by a wolf, couldn't or wouldn't run because it was faster than you or you were tired or paralyzed, and it just ate your grandmother, you should invite it for a cup of tea and some freshly baked scones, right?
Carol is the girl's name, who didn't have a name. I looked up a list of 17th century European names and Caroll stood out to me.
As for the blood and gore, this is a story where someone gets eaten alive and the grandmother is cut out of the wolf's carcass. Detailed violence can be used just like any other narrative tool, and I chose to use it in this case because it felt right. It could have been far more bloodier, and I went sparse with the details, sticking to letting the reader's imagination fill in some of the blanks, although to be honest I'm not sure if I did so right.

The stuff I just explained, didn't have to be explained for everyone else. In fact, the above explanation had a higher word count than the actual story itself. I don't like explaining myself unnecessarily.

I was mainly curious about certain elements of the story. Little Red is supposed to be a child who just witnessed her grandmother being eaten alive and then being cut out of something that just talked AND tried to eat her. And in the story, she gets out of it okay and lives happily ever after. And this is a child, who is naive enough to pick flowers after telling a talking wolf where her grandmother lived. There is bound to be some kind of trauma which is usually overlooked, even by modern versions, where LR is some monster hunter or a werewolf or above all, an adult.

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I liked it. Just gives the story some realism that people overlook. The gore parts just made it more (idk the word so...sorry) sensual.

Overall, how people go insane. Believe me I should know, Ive been through some mental breakdowns.

Also Stuke you really took it SO seriously. There is a clear indication of why she used the axe, fight or fly mechanic (or flee whatever). I mean come on there is a ****ing bloody wolf who ate your grandmother and a hunter and survived a bullet to the chest. Who wouldnt freak out? The "snap" is just what she chose, especially given that there is an axe and the wolf was somewhat weakened.

And I might be overthinking things again. Oh well. I love scary ****.

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Hadn't really heard of a 'drabble' before reading this, but I'm not much of a literature guy. Upon looking it up I discovered it wasn't the same someone 'babbling' on about something as I thought it was before reading it *heh*, but a short ~100 word piece that tries to express meaningful ideas within a small space (just for those who still didn't know what it was).

Overall I'd say this was a solid piece, definitely got you in the moment and in the little girl's shoes. Great use of adjectives and pacing/emphasis.

A few lines could use a couple touchups I think:

"she slumped into...parts." - I get what this is saying, but it wasn't quite as elegantly expressed as some other parts of the piece
"Less than an arm’s length away, Carol lost her mind." - This line is basically fine, but as Stuke did mention there is the theoretical problem that there could be another person in the room aside from the little girl. While it can be inferred that it's the little girl, you could either state her name earlier (which may ruin the tone of the piece), or utilize an adjective like "little" Carol (although this sounds rather awkward, perhaps if I knew of a better adjective...). I don't really have a good solution for this one :/ It's not really the biggest problem, if one at all, anyway.

Still I couldn't resist picturing in my mind:

Hunter:

Wolf:

Little Girl:

Grandma:

Smite Account: Zilby__________Steam Account: Zilby
Blizzard: Zilby#11991_________Twitch: TheZilb

I am the most foul, cruel and bad tempered rodent you've ever set eyes upon!.. Oh, her? Yes, well... she's with me.

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I take this seriously as I have seen to many bad stories that plague the CP Community and sadly people like those kind or stories. Examples being like the aforementioned Jeff the Killer, to clarify Jeff is worst than this story, but you get my point.
It doesn't matter what "Drabble" is, this is still bad story telling no matter what style it is. Because, like I mentioned, this is only a fraction of a story. I want to know what happens that lead up to this moment and see how everything connects to the climax of the story. There needs to be a Beginning, Middle, and an End. This just skipped to the End and just makes the reader confused.
About Little Reds Name. Carol, like you said "Carol is the girl's name, who didn't have a name. I looked up a list of 17th century European names and Carol stood out to me." I wouldn't have known that because there was no indication or context to it being her name. Also if you're a little girl, and a wolf was going to attack you, the idea of fighting back would never pop into your head once because Little Red is a child and would run away then try to fight back. If she would fight back, how would she be able to grab the axe, because axes are quite heavy, and be able to get a lethal blow without any prior practice, before the Wolf would get close enough to kill her.
I'm done with this, it definitely need touching up and better explaining but I still stand by my point as this is just incomplete even for a "Drabble" story.

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Here's an example of what a Drabble story looks like when done right.
This is called "The Kitchen" it's quite short so I'll post it right here.

A young girl is playing in her bedroom when she hears her mother call to her from the kitchen, so she runs downstairs to meet her mother.

As she’s running through the hallway, the door to the cupboard under the stairs opens, and a hand reaches out and pulls her in. It’s her mother. She whispers to her child, “Don’t go into the kitchen. I heard it too.”

This has clear Beginning, Middle, and End. It a good example of a Drabble Story as it's below the 100 word count and has a coherent story all the way through. When I read this years ago, it genuinely creeped me out as the fear of who or what it was is still a mystery.
This is just a pet peeve of mine, but to me true horror doesn't come from buckets of the red stuff. It comes from something you either can't see, know it's there waiting for the right moment, or can't stop and at any moment you could be the next victim.
Use this as an example so you could improve in the future.

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I think you are still taking it a bit too seriously.

Not all stories NEED a beginning, a middle, and an end in that exact order. Some stories start in the middle or in the end and go backwards. It was clear that it was The Little Red Riding Hood by the first line, already giving you the past events. Even if some people didnt get it by the first line, once they get to the "grandmother", it will come off as shocking to them as they realized what they were reading. Sub made a continuation of it instead of restating it, and just made a reference. This is fine because most people already know the Little Red Riding Hood story. (Also the title of this blog)

This is based on a fantasy story. A wolf that can talk and walk doesnt exist in real life. No wolf simply eats people whole or survive a bullet to the chest. Why cant a girl pick up an axe? Based on the genre it makes sense. Realism does not apply here when that wolf exists.

Although it can need a bit of touching up and some details, the overall story is easily understood and the mistakes are mostly in minor details. The only one thats actually major is the name Carol, but a good thinker would know that no one would be there but the girl since the grandmother is basically dead. Even still though that name was confusing.

This is far from incomplete. All SubZero did was add on some details to make another ending to another story. I dont see how this is bad. Although you might say "there is no clear beginning", you are just looking at what he wrote and not what it was based off of.

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Little Red Riding Hood (drabble)

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