--- ...This isn't impossible. I can turn this around. But there's something stopping me - what is it? I am fully capable of doing this, but the same thing that makes me procrastinate is keeping me from reverting it. Self-defending... this isn't gonna be easy. --- ...OR, maybe, this chronic tiredness I have isn't a result of what's happening, it could be a message from the part of me I don't understand. To relax, to let it go... it. IT. Not all. What is "it", then? I'm holding on to something, and that something is causing this, an unknown philosophy or something. A Berlin Wall that I'm defending without realizing it. But WHAT IS IT?... --- "I'll send an S.O.S. to the world/Message in a Bottle"... where is that from? wait - that might be what I need. Send out an S.O.S. to the world, call in everybody who I'm close to and who I think can help, to try and figure this out - the SF people, my parents, my current psychiatrist, my sister, my 3 maybe-friends from boy scouts, my only two friends... --- Okay. So it's a barrier. Now I need to find what it is, exactly what it's doing, and how to stop, destroy, it. But how can I do this with all the stuff I procrastinated on over my head? even my parents are constantly angry at me... not that I blame them. I just hope I can start telling the truth to them, instead of this... thing that's just spewing lies. --- CAN I PLEASE DO MY HOMEWORK FOR ONCE?!? --- is Smite playing a role in this? maybe, but then what... --- I need help. Do I? ugh, now I have a headache... heck, my life is already hell, let alone what's coming. ---
This is gonna be tough. REAL tough. I just hope I can get myself to face it...
... --- ...
People who get things done do not have stronger willpower or more drive, they just know that productivity is a game of cat and mouse against their own desires and wants.
I'll tell you something: the "want" never goes away. Ever. It's a part of the human soul, and removing it is impossible.
They key is thinking about thinking. Not being self-critical.
I have also tried to be spock-like with my negative emotions, so you're right on that part, too.
two weeks for one French assignment? how big was it?!?
I have no justification of my procrastination: I have every reason to pick up my pencil and doing it.
wait... I think I got it: Lack of Willpower.
Of course. I just have a severe lack of willpower. That explains a LOT. And now that I think of it, I haven't gotten any excersize AND probably Vitamin D deficient... that seems to fit it.
Well, first part completed: finding the problem. Next part: dealing with it. Now that I've narrowed it down, it should be much easier.
And to wrap it up... Smitefire Tavern isn't exactly my highest priority: I want you to add a "filler" post, like a continuation of your juggler's solo quest. Just so it doesn't die.
It seems like you're the most helpful person in this website for my predicament, so I'll make a PM just for it, so I don't clutter the blog section.
Note to everyone who is reading this: I'm trying to help Tal here. Most of my knowledge comes from personal experience and a few chats with multiple counselors, psychologists, and a mentor.
The mechanism behind procrastination is simple impulsiveness. Or in other words, you might have present bias; in non-pretentious speak you value short-term pleasures over long-term pleasures.
I've procrastinated myself, and am probably doing it now. You aren't alone. There are hundreds of self-help books out there, promising to fix procrastination, selling in the millions years after year. It's a human weakness.
Some say that procrastination is a way to understand what you value. For instance, if you are procrastinating on an essay, on some level, you might consider that essay unimportant, even if you consciously recognize that it is valuable to your grades and therefore your future.
I think procrastination is a gap between knowing and understanding. You might know that it is important to complete a project, but you can't really get yourself to truly understand that. Odd, isn't it?
"It" is typically whatever task you are stalling on. You are holding onto the idea that want is more important than should. You are trying to cling to your irrational belief that the future is always rosy.
The mind (or my mind, at any rate) thinks that the future is always okay. Any long-term planning we ever do makes a few assumptions. "Okay, once I finish rearranging the folders on my desktop, I'll have enough time to type my initial draft. Then, on Tuesday, I could write the manuscript."
You are probably under a lot of stress. I'm not sure if I want to probe too deeply into this, but your reactions are probably due to multiple conflicting beliefs in your heads.
Most procrastinators try to avoid this stress by justifying their actions. "Oh, look at all the work I did. I may not have finished my essay, but I was productive!" Or "Nah, the essay wasn't that important."
Some even try to avoid emotional stress by playing video games, surfing the web, or even avoiding things that might be related to that stress. But this is not always an option.
The reason why you wrote the SOS is because you are under a lot of stress right now, and you can't find a way out of it.
For example, I sometimes fight with my parents, and that also creates conflicting beliefs. I can't avoid that stress due to living under the same roof, so I am typically extremely distracted and irritable during that time.
I'll be taking a shot in the dark here. Your stress is caused by multiple factors, and judging by the rambling you have also suppressed a lot of pent-up emotions.
Here is the shot part: A major factor is school. You have probably a bunch of missing assignments, and you naturally feel anxious and most likely have low-self esteem. You try to suppress those feelings. The problem is, those feelings don't go away. Even if you "forget" your problems whenever you watch a dancing cat on youtube or play a match of Smite, they still lie under your conscious thought. The conflict between your conscious and subconscious is what is causing this stress.
You have no way to go but forward, but you're not going completely straight. You focus on fixing the "smaller" factors first, rather than the big one. Like procrastinating on procrastination.
You acknowledge your procrastination on Smitefire, for example, most likely trying to alleviate the stress of Smitefire Tavern*. While this might help, it probably just makes it worse since you probably know that you're just avoiding the bigger issue. Procrastination of procrastination, circles in circles. //End Shot in Dark
I hope that was insightful. If not, I'm an idiot.
Your failures loom over your head like the sword of Damocles. Of course it's frakking stressful. You have a direct attitude toward the problem, which is a good thing, but the problem isn't something you can smash.
I advise you to confront your problem head-on. For example, if it is a homework assignment, then talk to your teacher about making up your grades. If it is a problem with your friends, then confront them. Don't keep making unnecessary jibber-jabber. Don't make another blog post about your problems. Hell, if it helps, don't respond to this overly long comment.
Heh heh, it would be hilarious if they went on this website. Just joking, but the devil in my head still chuckles at the thought.
I know telling the truth and being direct can be scary. Believe me, I know.
I once stayed up until 4 am, baking cookies, trying to avoid my french assignment. I once even skipped school for two whole weeks, because I was that terrified of facing my problems. I couldn't do my homework, so I skipped school for another day, then another day, and eventually I was too terrified to even go to school, afraid of the social judgement of my peers and teachers.
I went to school. I talked to my teachers. And it is still painful and embarrassing to remember, but I'm fine now. I'm fine, and if you apply your direct attitude to your problems, you're going to be fine too.
I notice you often repeat yourself. It doesn't take a psychology major to realize that whatever this problem is, it has been there for a while.
Of course it's going to be tough. And scary. But I can try to help you, and I'm sure your friends and family are trying to help you too. I don't know the root or source or cause of your problems, but I sincerely hope you get better.
Thanks for reading this ramble.
-Sub.